Mad Christian Ads (Part 2)

This here is part 2 of a little series based on some old Christian adverts I pulled off some Evangelical website many years back. Part 1 is here.

One thing you have to hand to those kerayzee evangelicals - they know how to focus on the positives when advertising their religion product.

Bible Man, with his wee-coloured light sabre and a forehead designed to keep the rain off his feet, must save the world from the nasty heathens who happen to have a load of Anger Dust to spread all over the place. Not only is it implied that his arch nemesis is a Mexican, (an association of which might irk America's southern neighbours), but also a damned god-denier. (I assume this is how atheists are seen by these people, spreading hate and suffering in their silly cloak and helmet getups when not doing their day-to-day jobs).

'Ordered to worship monkeys' is clearly a slant against the Evolutionists, but otherwise you might think this is referring to the Bible. It's not until the final frame that you realise its actually a film. The Jesus Film - which despite having been seen by 1.5 Billion people I had not heard of before this - dates from 1979, post-dating the far more capable 'Jesus of Nazareth' by 2 years and thus coming off as a bit of a cash-in.

The ad gets extra points by implying people who showed it were committed as nutters, and also by talking down to the tribal bushmen of the world. At least the film eventually came along, otherwise who knows how many more generations of bushmen would have had to burn in hell (after the 1800 years or so where God decided not to reveal himself to them) if it hadn't.

Gotta wonder just what made them use a pair of nubile ladies kissing as the focus point for concerned parents. After all, they do seem to be enjoying themselves. Now obviously homosexuality is an unforgivable hell-burning sin for these people, but I reckon that was an interesting evening beside the computer searching for a source image..

Evangelical 1: 'Just type in 'Lesbians' and see what comes up.',
Evangelical 2: '..pfft.. 'comes up'..',

*nervous shifting in seats*

Evangelical 1:
'Holy Mary, there's a lot of results. Click on that one there..',
Evangelical 2: 'That page has some.. good.. images on it..',

*both heads turn to one side in unison at a particular image*

Evangelical 1:
Evangelical 2: 'Yeah, but...',

*more uncomfortable shifting*

Evangelical 2:
'Maybe there is some better examples if I click on this link..',
Evangelical 1: '..... Do it'.

And for the 'unsaved youth' who turn their nose up at the thought of that dusty, wordy old Bible, there's a hip, rad version containing 'just the facts' for them! America's public schools are after all under attack from scientists, Islamic people and everybody else who has found something out that goes against the words of the Bible. They must be stopped!

Yes, you read that correctly. Clowning 4 Christ! Available for weddings, parties, but not Bar Mitzvas. A 'clown conference' may be heading to a town near you this year, and if so you too can witness first hand their drive and commitment in 'bring[ing] the best possible instructors that will raise the level of professionalism in all areas of clowning, Christian as well as secular.', and who wouldn't want that at their 5-year olds' birthday?

Just enough for one more part, which I'll post later. If anyone has any other mad ads they have found, please share them - add or link through the comments!

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